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8 things I learned while being in a healthy relationship

These are just a few things I learned throughout my journey with Kevin. I hope this post will give insight to those struggling, unsure, or even take comfort in knowing you are with someone special!

 

1. Support isn’t a one way street

If you feel you’re giving too much and getting nothing in return, you’re probably giving too much to the wrong person. Support goes both ways in a relationship. He should want you to succeed as badly as you want him to succeed. If there are nights where you’re too busy studying, working, reading, or learning in general, and he’s mad at you for it- you’re in the wrong relationship. If you find yourself stressed out because you need to choose between him or the rest of your life- you’re in the wrong relationship. Doing things to better yourself or help your future should never be put on the back burner. Choose you. To quote Will Smith, “Marriage cannot be a prison.”

2. Girls night out is still just as fun

Just because I’m in a relationship doesn’t mean going out isn’t fun for me anymore. When I’m out having my signature cocktail (a dirty vodka martini) and sitting at the bar of a chic restaurant with a girlfriend, wearing my favorite LBD, I’m genuinely having fun. Want to know why? Because I’m not worried about going home to a fight later. Having a pissed off boyfriend in the back of your head is the best, and quickest, way to ruin a fun girls night out. Again, it’s a two-way street because just as much as I like to go out, I’m totally understanding when he’s out for a boys night. I don’t pester him with what he’s doing, who he’s talking to, or when he’ll be home because I want him to have fun and not worry. The key: trust.

3. Confidence isn’t just for the independent

Although there is definitely something sexy about an independent, confident woman, it seems like that’s all the media is portraying today. Self independence is so important, but having a partner doesn’t mean your confidence isn’t valid anymore. When we both compliment and reassure each other, sometimes my own goals become even more enlightening. I never liked the saying “you complete me” because I feel it indicates a dependence on someone else, but I love the saying “you make me whole” because I feel it indicates that my partner makes me a whole, well-rounded person. Connect on your commitment to always be better.

4. Dreams aren’t just dreams

Dreams shouldn’t just be dreams. To quote Les Brown, a well-renowned motivational speaker, “The graveyard is the richest place on earth because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled all because someone was too afraid to take that first step.” I know first hand that dreams become reality when with the right person. I’m encouraged to follow my dreams every day. When I have the off days where I don’t believe in myself, when I’m blue, or scared,  or unmotivated, he is there pushing me. He believes in me even when I don’t believe in myself. And in return, because I have such a passion and a drive for a specific niche, it has made our relationship even stronger. Men who value you will want to see you succeed; ultimately, they will want to see you happy.

5. Traveling can still be a solo thing

As much as I’m encouraged to follow my dreams, my dreams often have a lot to do with traveling. I plan on going to London in January for roughly 3 to 6 months. Kevin could not be more supportive of this, and even though he’ll miss me and I’ll miss him, he genuinely wants the best for me and my future. A man who supports you, even if he might not love the idea, is a man worth keeping.

6. We’re a team

Just like your coach used to tell you “There’s no I in team.” If someone insults my significant other, they insult me. We are a team, and I wouldn’t do anything intentionally to make my fiancé uncomfortable. This, I feel, can be easily misread because it’s difficult when a best friend doesn’t like the partner in your life. What I mean to say is if someone who wasn’t particularly close in your life, maybe an old classmate or gym friend insults your other, I look at is as if you’re insulting me. If one of us is struggling financially for a while, the other is there to pick up the slack. If one of us is going through a rough time, the other is there to take the reigns alone for a while.

7. Forgiveness is a four letter word

To me, forgiveness and love go hand in hand. To forgive requires to empathize; to empathize requires us to adjourn our own ego and look into someone else’s world, which I believe is the highest form of knowledge there is. Despite how you feel, despite your opinion, and despite what is going on in your head, to try and understand how the other is feeling is a truly profound self kind. And with that, is love.

8. My #1 fan

Above all, being in a relationship should bring joy to your life and should make you feel loved. I feel like I could leave Kevin in a room full of Victoria’s Secret models and still not worry! If you’ve found someone like that, you’ve found your #1 fan.

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